At the end of the elements’ trendiest street
Was a beaker where just getting in was a feat.
The chances for entry were rather elusive;
The Club Atomic was very exclusive.
One day, ol’ Tony, an atom of tin,
Went to Club Atomic to try to get in.
Along with his friends, he offered some dough
To the guard who snobbishly shook his head “no.”
“Good-bye,” said the guard with an air of odium,
A rather formidable atom of sodium.
“You’re nothing but several unwanted pests;
You’re not on the list of our pre-approved guests.”
As he started to show them their shameful way out,
Tony intensely proceeded to shout,
“So what is this club’s exclusive new rule
That gives you the right to be very cruel?”
“Well, clearly this club is a wonderful place.
We only have access to limited space,
So to stop overcrowding and bottleneck jams,
Per el’ment, we let in but only ten grams.
Ten grams of oxygen, ten of palladium,
The same for bismuth, iron, vanadium,
So on and so forth, you get the idea?
Now get outta here, okay? I’ll see ya!”
“But wait just a moment,” said Tony with care.
“Your admissions policy just isn’t fair.
It gives fewer atoms the privilege to pass
When they have a higher atomic mass.
Now, compare us with helium (a mass of four),
And we have a mass of near thirty times more!
For thirty of them who get to have fun,
How many tins do you let in? Just one!
A much better way for you to be doin’ it
Is using a different measure of unit.
Do not go by mass; instead you should try
To limit the number of atoms let by.
You could say ‘per el’ment we’ll let in a dozen,’
But you’ll need to count on a much larger cousin:
The mole, a huge number—it’s almost absurd:
Over six times ten to the twenty-third!
While a dozen of candles is twelve of that item,
A mole of candles … would take eons to light ’em!
Though it’s still just a number and nothing else more,
Like a pair or a dozen, a trio, a score.
But why such a curiously odd quantity
Such as six times ten to the twenty-three?
Well, that is the a.m.u.’s it would take
For one gram of mass to equally make.
So one mole of helium, in grams, is four.
A mole of tin—well, thirty times more.
But you would be sure of ushering in
The same number of heliums as you would do tin.”
While eyeing the book on his stately podium,
Thus said this sheepish atom of sodium,
“Fine, I guess we’ve got room now for you,
But I’ve got to kick out some heliums too.”
So Tony and all of his friends were admitted.
From their lowly status were they now acquitted,
And all that it took was a little defiance
Grounded in fairness and knowledge of science.
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(In addition to appearing in Atomic Romances, Molecular Dances, this poem also appeared (excerpted/edited in the textbook and in full in the Teachers’ Edition) in Active Chemistry (2007), It’s About Time, Education Division of Herff Jones, Inc.)
