At the start of our tale is a suave atom who
Has now bonded with oxygen to make NO2.
He floats in the air and pretends to pollute,
But really, he’s spying on enemies to shoot.
And whom does our friend (known as “Bond”) spy on?
As always, ’tis foreigners he has his eye on:
Germanium, francium, he sees them below,
And gratuitous violence proceeds in our show.
The enemy’s disguised as if it’s Halloween,
So Bond creates some trinitrotoluene.
He quickly connects with “C,” “H,” and “O,”
And the newly formed TNT screams out, “Let’s go!”
They attack and create an explosive reaction,
The bad atom’s fighters reduced to a fraction,
And “element 7” comes out with no scrapes,
Not knowing that one of the bad guys escapes.
But before our good story can further unfurl,
It’s time for the entrance of Bond’s special girl:
A diamondly atom of carbon, this lass
Is sparklingly shiny but sharper than glass.
The duo soon learns that germanium’s alive,
And each wonders, “How did that loser survive?”
They now need to think of a plan that can’t miss,
But given their passion, they soon start to kiss.
Their orbitals reaching all over each other,
They form a strong bond, then one more, then another.
An extra electron jumps on for the ride,
And with their octets, they’ve formed cyanide.
And so they lay low in their enemy’s drink.
“Indeed, he’ll be poisoned,” at least so they think.
But hundreds of kilojoules at them are heaved,
And oddly, their strong triple bond has been cleaved!
“Where did she go?” but there’s no time no look,
Because one of the bad guys got Bond on a hook.
’Tis sodium hydroxide, so vile, so base.
Its higher pH is now eating Bond’s face!
But Bond quickly finds an “H” and three “O’s,”
And the newly made nitric acid knows
That acid plus base makes water and salt,
And the neutralized enemy comes to a halt.
Now Bond needs but two things to win back his fame:
To kill germanium, then get back his dame.
So he bonds with an “O” who just happens to pass
And forms N2O, or laughing gas.
Now germanium, taking his every breath,
Is slowly laughing himself on to death:
“Hahahaha! Bond thinks he will win.
I’ll get him soon—” but he dies … with a grin.
Yet Bond can’t enjoy the demise of his foe;
His missing woman is causing him woe.
He finds her in danger—it truly unsettles—
About to be killed by an army of metals!
“Don’t worry, my dear. You’re really all set.
They’re alkali metals. We’ll just get them wet!”
They quickly explode, forming base and H2,
And the duo escapes to safety, on cue.
Now finally, Bond and his gal are alone,
But before they get close, he first binds to an “O.”
You might ask why NO is needed, but trust me;
Just look up “VIAGRA” online, and you’ll see.
As credits roll on, you walk out amazed
That Bond could fight all of his enemies unfazed.
Why do his victories so quickly amass?
Well, he got an “A” in his chemistry class!
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(In addition to appearing in Atomic Romances, Molecular Dances, this poem was also performed for a 2004 episode of the poetry video series P.L.A.C.E.S., produced by Philip Hasouris and james g. h. moore, and previously appeared in the chapbook Chemistry for the Couch Potato, copyright 2003, Mala L. Radhakrishnan and printed by Friends of Poetry.)
